I was able to get through an entire day without crying. Doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment I know, but that’s a big deal for me lately. I even ate lunch with a couple friends and I only had to stop myself from mentioning your name two maybe three times. I watched a movie with my daughter and was able to enjoy her company, but I still haven’t found the courage to tell her that your suddenly in Heaven. I know I need to get around to doing that but it’s hard to think that it might crumble her world. Then again maybe telling her makes it more surreal for me so it’s easier for me to avoid. She asked if I showed you her picture of her first day at school. I know you seen her watching from above, so I just told her you did and you wanted her to know how beautiful she looked. I had a good laugh with my mother and made sure I kissed her goodnight and told her I loved her. Days are hard but nights are harder. My eyes don’t close as easily but when they do it’s usually around 2:30am just for them to open to my 6:30am alarm. Some nights before my brain can even tell myself to close my eyes and rest, I get a thought of you. Like flipping through pages of a memory book, I’ll just lay there thinking of you.
I’ve learned I can quickly replace those moments of flashbacks by simply staying busy. However, that doesn’t always work. Sometimes they are inevitable to avoid and the realization your gone is literally paralyzing. Anything triggers them and just like with your sudden death, I never see it coming. I’m just spaced out for several moments losing track of time in my own world and frantic mind. I’ve noticed I ask myself all those questions that anyone that has ever lost someone ask themselves… or ask God… And the typical questions anyone would want to ask the loved ones that are now suddenly gone. I never know how long I stay in those moments and I don’t even know if I get a positive answer. Eventually I snap back into reality.
I keep thinking that there has to be something else I get out of this other than heartache. Some silver lining I’m suppose to find. Like I’m going to learn some necessary life lesson only “the ones who have been there” understand. Maybe grow deeper in love with myself… Or find the hype about life and know exactly what it’s all about. I mean I haven’t found any of those yet but I’ve learned that to keep going there has to be hope. So that’s what I’m going on nowadays. Hope, caffeine, and the feeling of my heart aching. If it aches I know it’s still there. I don’t talk about it like I should and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to. It’s far to tender of a subject to approach still and some days are better than others. It’s just a process and it’s a slow one.
Through all of this though there is one thing that I know and that’s where and who my hope comes from and regardless all of this is still God at work. He has made it possible for me to get by. He was the only one I could talk to when I was told what happened to you. That was the longest hour of my life just praying and waiting for the news and I can’t explain how I made it through. I remember I was begging God to take care of you and then it was a moment of comfort and I knew He is and He’s even taking care of me to. I still have times when it seems like the pain is unbearable but there are peaceful moments when God shows up to give me a little break. It’s those really good moments that allow me to finally catch a breathe… find myself laughing even… get a glimpse of hope… a needed answer… or finding those moments of comfort I know that it’s God. I’ve given it some thought and I guess he does feel bad for taking my friend and leaving me here to live life after. He doesn’t replace you but He is helping to heal and restore those areas that hurt and keeps me company during those times I’m lonely. He let’s me miss you and I do. He lets me hurt and I do that to. I’m not bitter about you leaving but I’m not happy your gone either.
I always said you needed a break and obviously the Lord knew you needed the rest to. I still selfishly want and need you here but I guess someone else was needing a friend up there.
Your Friend M.
Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV) Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
We can bring all of our cares, troubles, praise, and request to Him. No matter what the situation for talking maybe it’s never to big or small to tell God. He actually wants and desires to hear from you. A consistent and strong prayer life pleases God and will bring a multitude of blessings into your life. While praying always be listening for God’s voice and guidance. We have to remember this is a two sided relationship as well. Be confident in knowing that when you bring your prayers to God that not only will He hear you but He will answer.
I’ve decided to make it a point to commit to a stronger prayer life. What better way than to serve God and lift other people up with the need or want in their lives. I’ve had a few ladies reach out with prayer request already and I would love to take any more that you may have. I’ll respect all privacy and security not sharing any request or information on my websites or e-mails. It’s between God, you, and I. Below is a form to fill out any Prayer Request you may have. I love talking with you ladies so be sure to fill them out or even leave a comment so others can pray for you. If you have any suggestions, request, questions, or simply needing a friend to talk with and seek advice use this form as well. I’ve been blessed to talk with so many of you ladies and only desire to speak more. So don’t be shy. I’m only a message away. 🙂
Online Bible study group coming soon. Be sure to follow me on Facebook and Bloglovin’
Love & Blessings
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A few of you ladies have reached out to me asking what Christian blogs I follow and read often. To make it easier then sending out a ton of emails I thought I would make a post and share some of my favorite Christian blogs. I’ve been blessed to come across some pretty amazing ministries that have helped me in my Christian walk. These women offer tools and advice for you no matter what season you are in or where your at in your journey with Christ. Be sure to check them out and follow as well.
- Morgan Harper Nichols – I’d be lost without this sweet and beautiful lady’s ministry and have been following along with her daily post for well over a year now. Morgan is the founder of QWC which is a ministry of young women who are on a journey to become quite the woman God has destined them to be. This ministry been essential in so many aspects of my own personal journey and as of June I joined the community of writers and editors who help creating the free daily devotionals. BUT this beauty doesn’t stop there she also blogs about growing in your faith, telling your story, pursuing your passion and building your brand! You must check her ministries out, you won’t be disappointed. Literally there is something for every lady in their walk with Christ. http://morganharpernichols.com/blog/
- Arabah Joy Blog – I’ve also been following this beautiful ministry for a year now. I started off with the 40-day Praying the Promises Challenge which I highly encourage you to take as well. Your able to become confident in not only your prayer life but with Christ and draw closer in your relationship with Him. Plus her blog is packed with other tools for maturing in your relationship with Christ. Highly recommend checking out her ministry and starting one of her studies. http://arabahjoy.com/
- Rebekah Joy- I just recently started following the lovely Rebekah Joy’s ministry More Radiance. She shares weekly devotionals that help inspire and encourage young women to become the Radiant Woman of Faith. I’ve enjoyed her weekly post and her entire blog is full of tips for day to day Christian living. Any young woman of Faith should check her site out. http://www.moreradiance.com/
- GirlDefined- This ministry may be geared towards my younger lovely ladies but any lady at any age will receive a blessing from their devos and blog post. I’ve been following along with this amazing ministry for over a year as well. I started off reading along with my daughter and introducing it to some of the younger girls at my church but I have been able to takeaway some much needed confidence and guidance from these two lovely sisters from Texas. They tackle feminism, embrace gender differences, and encourage girls to live a God-defined life in a culture-defined world. Definitely check it out whether it be for your youth ministry or self. http://www.girldefined.com/
As you can tell Christian blogs have been a huge part of my journey. I’ve meet some amazing and inspirational women while growing spiritually, and strengthening my relationship with Christ. I encourage you to start following the ones I’ve listed above and become apart of their journey as well. You can learn and grow as you read along, maybe even starting some new friendships and bonds.
If you have any ministries or Christian blogs you follow daily leave them in the comments below so I can add them to the list! Send in your Prayer Request, I’ll be sure to respond letting you know your in my prayers.
This week we had our annual Vacation Bible School at my home church and God allowed the blessing of me being able to serve and help with the activities while connecting with the kids. I have to admit I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy, my patience has always been thinner than thin and normally the last place I would be is in a building with a large group of hyper children. Regardless, I felt God fully intended for me to be at service for him in VBS no matter what I was use to. I’m so thankful that I followed through because it’s been an unexpected learning experience for not only them but for me as well. It’s still amazes me how God continues to open doors for opportunities in edifying my life and allowing spiritual growth. I’ve been squeezed and hugged, cleaned enough kool aid spills to fill a kiddy pool, smiled til my cheeks hurt, added a handful of names to my prayer list, and fell in love over and over again until my heart was more than full. I want to share a few things I took away from my first year of VBS and encourage anyone who hasn’t took the opportunity to help at your local church to take the opportunity to do so.
Working with these precious and vibrant little souls opened my eyes to many things throughout the week. My biggest takeaway was our young people are desperately wanting and needing Godly role models in their lives. So many precious faces who return to a home that doesn’t encourage the biblical teaching or someone who is a Godly influence. As a new Christian at the age of 25 and a single mom myself, I know I have fallen short with providing my precious daughter the proper attention and example she needs, so I’m not judging anyone by any means. That doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t ache or mourn at the thought of what their eyes may see and ears may hear and how easily our younger children are being lead astray. In a world where sin is open and common the line between right and wrong is quickly fading and even parents are guilty of not knowing the difference. Shame is never easy and when it comes to falling short with teaching your own child guilt is overwhelming. However, we have to set aside our pride and embarrassed ego that’s allowed us to run from any lesson of correction or admitting we are wrong. We have to see that this is God giving us the opportunity to grow from our past mistakes and shortcomings. Allowing God to start the process of us learning and growing to become the proper Godly man or woman He wants us to be. So then we can begin applying it in our own home with our children that allows the possibility of us being an example that causes change in other home’s.
With that being said God also showed me that no matter how new or how long I’ve been on mg Christian walk and no matter what age I may be someone is watching me. It’s my job to not only step up but reach out to others. I can’t always sit back and expect someone to come to me if they need my direction or friendship. We all have our levels of comfort and no matter how outspoken we may be asking for help is sometimes easier said than done. When I found myself going up to the girls and boys offering simply a smile and asking if they were enjoying themselves it set a trust factor. That opened the door to our new friendship and bond. They slowly let their guards down and soon enough was willing and ready to share their world with me. I know I’m thankful for those faithful servants who approached me instead of wiating on the hope I would come to them. Most importantly I’m forever grateful Jesus doesn’t just wait around for me all the time. Sometimes I need the security of His presence to be known before I find myself bold enough to conquer the situation. It’s no different for other’s, sometimes they need to know and have us approach them. Allowing us to help and mentor them with whatever they may be facing.
There are so many opportunities for us to bring glory to God and allow the blessing of being used by Him. There is no greater joy then to bring joy to our Heavenly Father. We just have to be willing to do so and sometimes that means stepping out of our own normal comfort zone. Have you volunteered at VBS or church event? Share your experience and thoughts in the comments below. I love reading and hearing from yall. Be sure to follow me on Twitter and check out my new Her Lovely Beauty page on Facebook I made specifically for this blog. You can find extra resources, products, and giveaways.
Still taking Prayer Request!